I wanted to have this 49 year old picture displayed partly to divert your attention away from me and on to someone much more interesting. It also I feel perfectly depictsCarmen in her natural element – I don’t think she enjoyed anything more than socializing with her kids, grandkids and great grandkids. In fact, she was always a kid at heart until the day she died. She would humble herself and get down to the same level and do the same things as the kids she was with. Notice the unmistakable look of love and adoration for this little impish rugrat while beaming out the most brilliant smile and face that shone like a million suns. This is exactly the way I prefer to remember my grandma Carmen.
I don’t take any pleasure in public speaking, but I could not turn down such a great honor. I honestly feel a little guilty for accepting this honor and also a bit unworthy. There is no way to convey the immense impact of the 96 years of life that Carmen gave to the world in less than the 5 minutes time I’m allotted, but I can give a few highlights. Each one of us could easily give hours of memories and stories about the huge impact she had in our lives.
A few years ago a friend posted on Facebook a rhetorical question of why do we usually not speak honestly about the deceased at their funerals, but only present them in the most positive light possible? The common etiquette is to “Never speak ill of the dead” to quote a phrase first given in the 3rd century. The common reasoning goes, since dead people can no longer hurt us, or defend themselves, it is better to forget their bad actions and remember only their good ones.
On the way to a funeral several years ago I seriously wondered how difficult it would be to give the eulogy for that particular person who was not very likable. The pastor did a great job given the circumstances, but afterwards the thought came to me – if I ever had to give a eulogy, who would be the easiest person to give it for? Yeah, you guessed it. The person I immediately thought of was Carmen.
The reason why I thought that is because I don’t have to lie, cover up any skeletons in the closet, or keep secret a hidden, dark double life. The only “negative” personality traits I could come up with for Carmen is that she could at times be “too nice” and “too trusting” and allowed people to sometimes take advantage of her. But then again those aren’t necessarily negative traits to have at all are they if applied with discernment to people who are deserving, right?
In reality, writing her eulogy was harder than I imagined it would be for different reasons altogether. First of all, as the old saying goes” with great privilege also comes great responsibility” – I really don’t want to mess this up! Secondly, because so many awesome things can be said about her I had throw out some content to keep this short which was not easy to do.
Carmen’s greatness can be partially explained by the fact that she was one of the last from the era known as “The Greatest Generation” which was a title given by Tom Brokaw in 1989 to those who were born between 1901 to 1927 – that I feel is very appropriate for those who lived during that timeframe - they who lived through the great depression, WWII, and ushered in a new era of American power and wealth. They were defined by their work ethic, sacrifice for God and country, and frugality in the sense that they were thankful for what they had and didn’t live their lives trying to accumulate possessions, but family and friendships were more important. They were a generation that still held their belief in God at the core of their being and expressed that belief in all aspects of their lives.
Even though she came from such a noble, honorable, and heroic generation, even still she was one of their greatest examples. Living in a hedonistic age today where the most important qualities are fame, fortune, and power, Carmen had none of those and didn’t have any desire for them either. Her greatest desire was for those she cared for to be happy and successful in life without any thought of herself.
There are some verses from the Bible which I feel perfectly exemplify and typify Carmen’s character:
Ephesians 5:1-2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
1. In the eyes of her children she was a fantastic mother who always put her children before herself.
2. You knew that you could be totally honest with her and she would never think ill of you, criticize you, or condemn you in any way.
3. She provided a safe haven in an otherwise cold, heartless world because you knew she truly cared about you above her own interests. Her self sacrifice was endless.
4. She had no slot for anger, hate, jealousy, strife, disputes; she just wanted everyone to be happy even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness at times. She once mentioned to her son David that she wanted to make other people feel better and uplift others around her by smiling – and didn’t God gift her with the most incredible smile?!
5. Carlos mentioned that he was impacted greatly as an adult by the tenderness she showed to him throughout his life.
6. For many years as a child my brother Rob and I would frequently spend weekends at Carmen and Ruben’s house and those are some of the most vivid memories I have of my childhood. Many kids aren’t always that thrilled to visit their grandparents, but we always greatly looked forward to it. I’m sure all of my cousins would wholeheartedly agree with me as they were also frequently given what I like to call the “grandma Carmen VIP treatment”.
7. I loved to make her laugh and would constantly be trying to think of things to say to crack her up and she would always oblige to laugh at my jokes no matter how bad they were (and they usually were bad).
8. I would often be very impish with her just so I could hear her playfully call me her “little stinker” and try to give me a playful spanking. I think it was also an attention-getting ploy by me, but it worked.
9. For many years I was proud in my self-certainty that I was Carmen’s favorite grandchild until I finally realized when I was a bit older and watching her interact with my cousins that Carmen had an incredible gift of making everyone she came into contact with feel as if they were the most important person in her life.
10. For perhaps the last 10 years of her life I commonly referred to Carmen as the “Energizer Bunny” as she just seemed to have an endless supply of life and energy. What I think might have been even more remarkable about her however was how she could maintain her buoyancy in the face of the tragedies of life which she certainly had her fair share. I know for a fact that her belief in the sovereignty of God did play a large part in that as we did have discussions about God on occasion.
11. I had the great blessing of living with Carmen and Ruben during the last half of my senior year in high school. After the untimely death of my father and Carmen’s son Bobby when I was 15, I went through a few very tough years and when I found myself justifiably homeless after some issues at home, of course Carmen and Ruben were actually thrilled to have me stay with them, and in the process got to know Carmen much better during that time. During my stay at their house, the AZ governor was Evan Mecham and as many of you no doubt remember he was constantly getting himself in trouble for many of the inflammatory things he said. I was a bit of an anti-Mecham activist and nearly covered an entire wall of my bedroom with satirical political cartoons blasting Evan Mecham. Once Carmen came in my room and asked me what the cartoons were about and I spent 10-15 minutes explaining the whole series of events and in the process getting myself worked up into a bit of a frenzy no doubt, but when I was done the only response I got from Carmen was… - pause a few seconds and consider what your own response might have been and then consider who it is we are discussing. She said “Gosh, he sure is funny looking man isn’t he?” and then we both proceeded to laughuntil we were nearly crying.
12. While I was staying with Carmen and Ruben my mother gave me money to give to them to help provide for my costs of living. I gave Carmen the money and then found it later in my room hidden somewhere. That went on a few times until eventually she became uncharacteristically stern with me and told me she would not take the money and I was not to give the money back to my mom either. I was told to spend the money having fun with my friends. As a 17 year old who was I to argue with what sounded like a good plan at the time? Seriously though, I knew they could have used the money, as they didn’t have much, but that was just the way Carmen was. This was certainly not an isolated event as I witnessed her generosity often.
In closing, I want to thank you Carmen for a life well lived and the example you set for all of us to emulate. May all of us keep your memory alive by continuing to share with one another how important you were to us through our memories of you.